Melancholy of Baccalauréat

Today was the philosophy exam for theFrench Baccalauréat, and I heard an humorist on the radio telling about the lost hordes of wild eyed young without any guidance in our streets.

This is how life works : goals, like in video games. Goals give you the force to continue. A baby's goal is to no more sucking is teat, then no more need a layer for the night, then to go to school, the to go to the school of the greats, sometimes passing an examination or competition with an association, the scondary school until the ultimate goal: the Baccalauréat. During the same period you want to achieve other goals (the first kiss, the first love, the first time...) the the driving licence, the th high-studies, the first job, the real employment, be in couple, have a family, a house, a SUV (or a van), move in the professional carreer...

If all goes well it's a straight road to retirement. And many people have difficulties with retirement because suddenly they have no obvious social goal.

I've been unfortunately rejected from this pattern, against my will, a few years after my diploma.

I missed two professional opportunities I did wanted, but I found a job, I lived with my lover. Then everything wen wrong, no more job, no more girlfriend, attempted an independant professional activity but I'm not of thoose good at working all alone, I love to meet and talk with people, a lot of people, different people. Well, remembering what I lived and speaking with people around me, I'm sure this kind of life is not for me neither.

So, without pre-established model, but I still need goals to motivate myself, I've set myslef with professional and community projects. The problem in that case is that I'm not alone, and even if I do my best for a project, it can be over because of other people.

That's what happens with Saint-CLair's concert band for which I prepared a ''animated street band'' semester as to play for events than can gain money to the association. My main goals were to play for the big city carnival of Nantes and a contestin Chinon.

The first one didn't answer to our submission (we are not known as a street band, we are not enough to be audible inside the amplified parade, we had nothing to introduce our exterior performance). The second one would have taken us a full day (maybe more as we would be back in the middle of the night) so not a lot of musicians wanted to go.

Another goal this year was to get Amfifanfare invited to HONK!. They didn't accepted us, worst, some organizers did not remember that I apllied! I kept in touch with them, I forced the band to make a good impression during Fanfaronnades, I kept talking to them and they finally sent us an invitation. Just a few of our band were really happy of that, complaining about ''it will cost money to go'', great motivation. Then, logically, we refused the invitation for this year because we don't have enough time to gain the money to afford the trip. I don't think it would be easier next year and I planned not to be again with the band the year after, so I'm doing a final waste on this project I wanted so much.

Add to that some disillusionment on the professional part, and I confess I fail to be efficient today.

Slowly are germinating other projects, far away from all of those I was involved until now but if they could be effective it would be a great positive point for me!